Archive for: Our Happiness Blog

“Use every crayon color that you got
A fishing pole sinks faster than a tackle box
Nothing turns the day around like licking a mixing bowl
I learned that from a three year old.”
–from Three Year Old by Eric Church

This song reminds me of the simple perspectives we had in childhood. I can’t count the number of times licking the frosting from my grandma’s mixing bowl made it the best day ever. And, using every crayon fosters flexibility and imagination. The song’s chorus later reminds listeners of the basic courtesy of saying sorry when we’re wrong.

At some point in our development these simple truths become complicated. This is because we transition from black/white to black/gray/white. There are more variables and factors that come into play in adulthood like being exhausted from work today and worrying about work tomorrow, being stubborn, or protecting others with little white lies. Sometimes we find ourselves teaching these simple wisdoms to our children while our own behaviors contradict these lessons. You may be proud of your children for apologizing to a friend, but scrutinize yourself for not apologizing to your brother after a bitter argument. The next time you are hard on yourself for not living up to these lessons, keep in mind that these 3-year-old truths probably remain part of your morals and values, but have changed a bit to help you function in a complex adult world.

Most of us expect that our significant other will think of us on Valentine’s Day and do something to express their love. This year consider turning the tables on Valentine’s Day by focusing on thinking of others. We do this with our significant others out of love, tradition, or because “I have to,” but what about your friends and family? You could write a note for your sister away at college or spend some time with your elderly neighbor. Time and time again psychological research demonstrates that we are happiest when we do things for others. So continue doing something special for your significant other, but also adjust your mindset to focus on what you can do to those other special people in your life.

WOOO!!!! Chicken wings, jalapeno poppers, new commercials, and musical performances are only ancillary things to be eager for on one of the biggest sports nights of the year. The anticipation can be found in most restaurants, stores, organizations, and schools. We are excited to sit in front of the largest TV we can find with neighbors and friends to see what team will be crowned the Super Bowl 50 Champion.

Despite all the excitement and disappointment of the play-off season, I love the Super Bowl because it brings a strong sense of community regardless of the two teams. It’s a time for family, friends, food and celebration. It may even be the time of year where we feel most connected with our neighbors and coworkers. We complete our grids at work the week before game and then discuss the best and worst plays, commercials, and musical acts for the following week. I encourage you to bask in the sense of community during this year’s Super Bowl and keep your fingers crossed!

Remember those optical illusion images? You would have to look at the abstract image just so in order for some shape to pop out in 3-D. I always felt stuck when looking at those books because I could never see anything. I blame it on my own inflexibility because I relied on the same strategy over and over without adjusting the way I looked at the picture. This same inflexibility or rigidity can lead us to feel stuck in other areas of our lives. When emotions are aroused, it’s easy to cling to rigid rules, strategies, and behaviors without considering different approaches.

Being open can allow you to adopt alternative perspectives. It means looking at the future without preconceptions, considering multiple strategies, entertaining the possibility that things may not go according to plan, and practicing being nonjudgmental. Being open means taking a close look at yourself in order to create new options for how you behave, react, or think about things.

The good news is that being open can begin with some simple strategies. Are you someone who always writes with a black pen? What if you tried writing with a blue pen for a few days instead? You could also try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. As you engage in these somewhat small behaviors, you will teach brain new tricks as you move away from your typical patterns and toward openness and flexibility.

I thought I’d enjoy the Jack and Jill sinks in our master bathroom. I wouldn’t have to wait to straighten my hair while he brushed his teeth because we could do it at the same time—genius idea! Three months into the new bathroom and this genius idea has created a battleground. Combs and hand lotions left on the sink countertop are strategic moves to conquer additional territory. Every day we dance around one another as we reach for soap while arguing about how there isn’t enough space for me to do my makeup. We entertain the idea of one of us moving to the guest bathroom, but haven’t accepted this as a viable alternative to our predicament.

You may be wondering, “Why doesn’t one of you just move out?” Because life isn’t always so easy and there aren’t always extra bathrooms. We have problem-solved and acted on many ideas, like switching sinks and rearranging our hygiene products, but none have helped us. We persist because compromise and learning to share space is critical for all our relationship. We don’t view the bathroom as a hindrance, but as an obstacle we will overcome somehow. After all, it’s the space where we connect in the morning by discussing national news, planning our days, and joking with one another. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

We sometimes need outside help for the Jack and Jill sinks in our lives when they feel unsolvable or unbearable. Check out our couple’s therapists who can help you make some improvements in your relationship.

I grew up watching Mr. Rogers tie his shoes as he taught me about life’s lessons. Being raised near his home of western Pennsylvania made his grip even stronger because his presence was everywhere. My sister and I loved trips to Idlewild Park where we rode Trolley into his neighborhood of make believe as his friends greeted us to “Come along, come along to the castle hug and song.”

These days, I find myself returning to Mr. Rogers for guidance when I question my core being, seem lost, or feel a bit rattled. His wisdom is reflected in numerous quotes that he left behind through his many years on television and philanthropic work. These quotes help me stay true my values and morals while guiding me back to myself.

Where do you turn to when you feel rattled? Maybe it’s loved ones, your favorite book, or inspirational quotes. These people and things can remind us of who we are and help guide us toward our path in life. Consider this gem of a quote below:

“Some days, doing “the best we can” may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect on any front-and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.” – Fred Rogers

Hello, 2016! Goodbye troubles of 2015, otherwise known as yesterday. It’s funny how a change in one number can shift our outlook, “new year, new me!” As you direct your mind toward self-improvement, remember to keep track of all the positive aspects of your life, regardless of whether they are related to your resolution. Accumulating positive experiences and emotions can decrease or even prevent your brain from heading down negative thinking rabbit holes.

Keep Calm & Stay Positive just might be your motto for 2016!

Every now and then, I am reminded of my younger self when a certain song plays on the radio or a family member recalls an event from my youth. I have mixed feelings toward that younger version myself. I miss her naiveté and unfiltered, positive outlook. I laugh at her for things that were overwhelming at the time but seem ridiculous now, like crying over a break-up during a softball game. I am disappointed in her emotional maturity, but admire her steadfast determination. I wish she would have let loose a little bit more and had not been so uptight. I dislike when her emotions got the best of her (and a couple of relationships). I applaud her morals and respect her passion.

That girl is always staring back at me when I look in the mirror. She resides in my core being and comes along with me in life. Parts of her have diminished over time while other aspects have strengthened. She reminds me of where I come from and how I’ve matured. This New Year’s Eve remember that Auld Lang Syne means “old long ago,” and raise your glass to toast the core you!

Imagining clouds as shapes is a traditional childhood game. You look into the sky and imagine dragons and seahorses while disagreeing with a neighborhood kid that a particular cloud is a dog and not a superhero. Unfortunately, our imagination is not as vivid in adulthood as our mental band-width is occupied with worries our children and playing bills. The good news is that the cloud game can be applied to worries. When worries or troubling thoughts take up your band-with or pop-up during inconvenient times during the day you can pretend that these thoughts are just clouds passing through your mind. They enter one ear, float across your head, and exit through the other ear. Instead of seeing elephants in the clouds, you can put your worries on clouds and let them float out of your mind.