Happiness Blog

What are some of the outstanding tasks or projects in your life? The old office that needs sorted through? The junk drawer that looks more like a vortex than a drawer? The dining table that needs refurnished but still has not been painted? Wow, these projects can feel overwhelming! And we tend to push off these projects because they feel all-consuming. Consequently, the junk drawer remains cluttered and the dining table remains in the garage instead of the dining room. The projects may nag at you when you walk past them and you begin to think, “When will I ever have enough time to tackle this?”

In order to scratch some big items off your list I invite you to start the 15-minute challenge TODAY. My challenge to you is to spend 15 minutes per day working on a project until it is completed. This may take one day or it may take a month, but the idea is that you are consistently working on the project over manageable time periods. You may ask yourself, “Where can I find 15 minutes?” Well, it turns out that there is approximately 15 total minutes of commercials during an hour-long TV program. Ideally you would work for 15 straight minutes, but my point is that you have downtime during the day when you can scratch items off your list.

Think about the 15-minute challenge with a positive mindset. First, remind yourself that 15-minutes is not a long period of time. This means that you are not spending your entire Saturday afternoon cleaning an office, but instead poke into the office for 15 minutes each day. You can also consider having your partner, family member, or friend help with the 15-challenge so that you can accomplish projects at a faster rate. Most importantly, once you start the 15-minute challenge you will begin to see changes quickly and bask in your small victories.

Many of the people I have worked with over the years have struggled with sleep. The most recurrent problem is the inability to fall asleep at night. Why is this so? Often the mind is planning the next day’s schedule, worrying about finances, sorting through an interpersonal struggle, or teasing through an argument. The funny thing about these thoughts is that they tend to build off one another while the clock ticks by the hours. The effects of sleep deprivation influence the ability to function the next day as people are more irritable with partners and children, less productive at their jobs, and exhausted. So, let’s review some tips and tricks for proper sleeping hygiene.

First, a consistent sleep pattern is paramount. Try to establish regular bedtimes, even on the weekends, so that sleep becomes part of your day-to-day structure just like going to work. Also, make the bedroom your sleeping sanctuary. That is, use your bedroom for sleeping and not for reading, watching TV, or browsing the internet on your tablet. Many of us use our phones for the alarm clock feature, which is fine, but make sure you are not playing games or reading the news in your bedroom. Create a sanctuary conducive to your sleeping by setting a comfortable room temperature, having socks or extra pillows nearby, or turning the ceiling fan on to the appropriate speed.

Now that we have set the stage for sleeping let’s focus on nighttime brain activity. One trick for when your mind is activated at night is to leave the bedroom and read a book or work on a crossword puzzle until you feel tired. You can also practice diaphragmatic breathing in bed by breathing from your stomach instead of your chest. If you can solve the problem that is keeping you up in a few minutes, solve it. If it is a long-term problem that can’t be fixed tonight then leave it for the morning because nothing will be accomplished except for higher levels of exhaustion. Remember not to beat yourself up over not falling asleep. Remind yourself that all those thoughts and worries is your brain working just like it works the other 16-18 hours of the day. Treat these tips and tricks like an experiment. If one trick helps you fall asleep that is fantastic! But if a trick doesn’t work for you, try the others until you find one that helps you get the rest you need.

One of the hottest trends in the book world today is coloring books for adults. These coloring books are displayed front and center in every bookstore I enter and I wonder how they achieved such widespread appeal. It turns out that the process of coloring is similar to meditation. Because your attention is directed toward selecting colors, staying within the lines, and bringing an image to life, you distract yourself from worries, thoughts, emotions and life’s problems.

Coloring is a form of stress relief in itself, but the process has many subtleties that can help you reach a deeper level of calmness. For instance, cool shades such as green, blue, and purple have a natural calming influence on your mind. You can also use coloring to reduce stress during short periods of the day. Instead of playing the frustrating new puzzle app on your phone while you are seated in a waiting room, you can use a coloring app or pull out a wallet-size coloring book and crayons from you bag. Although coloring books for adults are filled with intricate details, you can carry the books along with you to help reduce your stress in fifteen minutes here and there. Finally, coloring provides you the opportunity use your imagination and tap into creative processes that you may have not have used since your elementary school years. So if coloring is one of your favorite pastimes from your childhood, consider stopping at your local bookstore to purchase a coloring book and crayons. It can help you unwind at the end of the day and is less strenuous than getting on the elliptical machine to relieve stress.

Do you ever look back on your life and regret some decisions or behaviors? Regrets can come in all shapes and sizes. Some take the form of words you wish you never said like during an argument with a partner or a friend. Other regrets are missed opportunities such as not attending college or not visiting an ill family member one last time before they passed away. Sometimes regrets may become the soundtrack of your life. As the playlist repeats, you may blame yourself for behaviors in your past. You may wonder, “What is wrong with me? How could I possibly do something like that to someone?”

Consider this quote from Desmond Tutu, “Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” By forgiving yourself, you are reminding yourself that you have new insights about the past and can put this awareness into action in the future. It is when you begin forgiving yourself that you open up to the prospect of serenity and personal satisfaction.

Mark your calendars because Friday, October 2nd is World Smile Day®! Honoring Harvey Ball, the creator of the smiley face, World Smile Day is devoted to doing small acts of kindness in order to put smiles on the faces of others. The smiley face celebration began in 1999 in Mr. Ball’s hometown of Worcester, Massachusetts. Every year Worcester and communities around the world hold festivities in celebration of kindness, happiness and the smiley face.

A Brief History of the Smiley Face: Mr. Ball was hired for $45 by the State Mutual Life Assurance in 1963 to create a symbol to improve morale within the company. The company’s purchase of Mutual Company of Ohio lead to poor employee morale. Within ten minutes, the smiley face was born and the company used the design to promote happiness among employees. By 1971, the smiley face had reached international fame.

So take some time this Friday to celebrate the smiley face and promote kindness in your community. Tip a barista, open a door for a mom struggling with a stroller, and thank a cashier for bagging your groceries. Kindness is contagious and it only takes one small act to add some cheer to someone’s day.

And remember…”Have a nice day!”

A short time ago, an old college friend called my cell in tears. It was the can’t speak type of sobbing that puts you on high alert because something is dreadfully wrong. She relates to me how she just received a call from her sister who found a large abnormality on her skin. It was first spotted a few weeks ago and she had already seen a professional. Although the expert was unsure about the spot and referred her for further testing, the sister calmly ensured my friend that “Everything is fine, have no worries, I need to hang up to get ready for the party.”

“No worries? Get ready for the party? How can she be so ok with this? The expert has no idea what is wrong with her? What if it’s cancer?” my friend screams to me. Her emotions had reached a hurricane level of five with a mixture of anxiety about what will happen to her sister, fear of the worst possible diagnosis, and betrayal due to two weeks passing by without any notice about the spot. Surprisingly, her biggest point of contempt was that her sister was attending a party despite this seemingly terrible news. “How could she be attending a party while I’m here crying?” The answer: radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is saying that reality “Is ok” or “It is what it is” even though we don’t like reality or don’t approve of it. My friend’s sister was probably terrified of the future, but at that moment she radically accepted that the abnormality was part of her reality and she did not let it interfere with her happiness. We all experience pain throughout our lives. If we attempt to avoid the pain or pretend that it doesn’t exist we also reduce our ability to experience happiness. By accepting reality for what it is instead of fighting against it, even if only for a second, we can shift our minds toward joy and happiness.