Archive for: Something to Ponder

How do we communicate when something needs to change? If we disapprove of another’s methods or know the solution is wrong, how do we get that across to others? Do we use criticism or feedback? It is likely some of us consider these two sides of the same coin, but there are important differences between each. Criticism keeps the focus on the wrong action. It communicates who or what we believe is at fault and places a judgement on the actions of others. Feedback may find fault in a particular action and still holds someone or something accountable, but provides ideas and instruction for improvement. When we give feedback, we provide a roadmap to what we want to see and do not make personal judgments on particular actions, just ways things could be done better. Think back to the last time you made a mistake and which types of comments were more helpful. Was it the critical, problem-focused comments? Or was it the solution-focused suggestions for improvement?

Where do you see yourself one year from now? How about five years? 10 years? Exploring these questions may seem like a daunting task, but are ultimately an important exercise. Take where you are now, for example. Reflect back on the decisions you made that got you here. How did you wind up in your current home, place of employment, or current relationship? Were these things you planned for? Or did some of them seem to materialize spontaneously? Are they things you want to keep? Or are they ripe for change? Regardless if there are things you want to change or not, it is important to ask yourself if the decisions you are making are in service of that one, five, or ten year plan.

Anger is an emotion that can rise at various times in our everyday lives. You may be angry at that driver who cut you off, waiting for an appointment that is running late, or even a home appliance that isn’t working quite right, but what is all of that anger bringing you? Despite the fact that you might feel justified in anger when something isn’t going your way, you’re actually allowing for extra stress on your emotional and physical health. Anger can stress out your heart, increase your risk of stroke, weaken your immune system, and put strain on your relationships! These issues are compounded when we don’t find a way to release or let go of that anger in appropriate ways. How do you unwind when things start to set you off? Do you need a physical release, such as a good run, a round with a punching bag, or lifting weights? Do you find that talking through issues with a friend, family member, or partner helps you clear your mind?  Do you take the time to unwind with calming music, a warm bath, or a good book? Whatever your method, take a moment to remind yourself that whatever is angering you can be overcome. As a wise man once said, “You’ve made it through every ‘worst day of your life’ thus far!”

As warmer weather approaches, you are likely finding yourself confronted with several decisions to make. Am I going to take a trip this summer? Can I afford one? Should I take care of that yardwork now or wait until it gets warmer? It can be good to know how we approach the decision-making process and play to our strengths. Are you someone who likes to list out pros and cons, having all the information right in front of you? Do you compile options and pick from an assortment of choices? Do you prefer to “go with your gut” and choose what feels right in that moment? Do you have others you turn to for sage wisdom? Knowing how we handle even the smallest of decisions can help us when we reach times of crisis.

If you are anything like this author, cleaning is somewhere toward the bottom of you favorite spring activities (perhaps just before taxes, but not by much). When psyching yourself up to undertake a task, how do you get yourself in the right state of mind? Do you use self-talk, reminding yourself how much happier you will be when the task is completed? Do you put on your favorite song and use it as your rallying anthem? Do you wait until the last moment (say, the day before your in-laws arrive) and let stress be your motivator? Knowing what motivates us can help us harness that energy for success and keep us working toward our goals.

Opinions on Valentine’s Day tend to fall into one of two camps. There are those who relish the opportunity to express their love for another or be showered with affection, and those who would rather treat it as any other day of the week. Regardless of your feelings about the day, it is good to ask yourself how you show affection and appreciation for those around you. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman offers some strategies to ponder. Are you someone who gives gifts with a special connection to that person? Do you give in other ways, such as spending time together or helping out around the house? Does your chosen method involve giving compliments and talking to the person directly? Do you let your body do the talking, be it with a pat on the back, a hug, or kiss? How do you know you are loved? Your answer may point you in the direction of how you express affection.

“New Year, New You” has become synonymous with January 1 st and symbolizes to Americans the hope of resolutions fulfilled, old habits extinguished, or a commitment to a better self. Gym memberships spike, new diets begin, and several packs of cigarettes meet the bottom of the waste bin. But how do you implement change effectively? Do you do better stopping something cold-turkey, or do you gently ween yourself off? Is day one the first day plans take shape, or have you been prepping for each step in advance? Who are you making the change for? You or someone else? Regardless of these answers, change works best when its something we want and feel connected to. Whether they’re done in January or July, make sure the changes you make mean something to you.

As the holiday season is upon us, take a moment to reflect upon your approach to gift giving. Is holiday shopping a matter of choosing something/someone off your “to do” list or do you take it as an opportunity to think about those who are important to you in your life, what they mean to you and how they have impacted your world? What types of gifts do you like to receive – those that are practical & useful, the gift of time with others, gifts that really reflect the relationship between you and the gift giver? The holiday season is a time to slow down and really reconnect with those in our lives.

There are so many ways technology can be used to connect us with family, friends, and other communities — in one sense we have never been more interconnected. These forums can be a great way to keep up with others whom we may not otherwise, but are we also using these platforms to replace face-to-face interactions? It is interesting to consider how the quality of relationships is impacted given that the majority of communication is nonverbal… what happens to the quality of communication when we take the nonverbal component out of the equation? Of course there is a continuum of technology use and pros and cons of each level.

The important question to ask yourself is how your personal use of social media and technology is impacting you. Do you feel support when others reply to a message or do you miss the sounds of people’s voices cheering you on? Does receiving a text for your birthday make you feel as good as a phone call and chance to catch up? Email vs card? “LOL” vs hearing someone laugh? The list goes on.

Take a minute to evaluate the quality of your social relationships, including your support from others and your level of engagement with others. If you are not happy with them, can changing your social media use help?