Archive for: Something to Ponder

The Guest House by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi is one of my favorite poems. More than once, it has helped me cope during difficult times. The poem invites us to accept every experience mindfully with trust and gratitude, with spiritual and intellectual curiosity and a measure of detachment. Specifically, Rumi encourages us to come face to face consciously with our most difficult, intense emotions and honor them as a purposeful part of our human condition and trust that they have arrived to guide and teach us what we are here to learn.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi
Translated by Coleman Barks

Much of relationship ambivalence revolves around feelings of love. But love is just a perception about what you’re feeling. What’s helpful to ask is do you really like each other? Are you willing to give to each other unconditionally, at least for a while? With that said if there is something that should be changed, about yourself or about your partner, are you both willing to acknowledge it and make that change? Can you be partners in what it takes to make the change?

This isn’t just a matter of you feeling like you can trust the other person with your secrets, emotions, and mistakes; it’s also that you can handle their messiness. We are a culture that emphasizes independence and sometimes that means we blame others when things don’t go our way. It’s helpful to take a step back and see if your boundaries are about protecting yourself from revealing too much or from knowing too much. Do you feel safe? Can you let down your defenses a bit?

In relationships, it can be helpful to reflect upon whether or not there were ‘good times’ prior to the conflict or crisis. Are you able to remember better times? Were those better times ‘very good’ or has there always been an empty, tainted or painful quality to the relationship. Sometimes it feels too hard to judge this when we are only viewing the negative aspects of a relationship; however, the challenge is to really take a step back and view the relationship as realistically as possible. Very often we are able to recognize the ‘very good’ times and finds ways to bring those qualities back into our relationships.

Know what your major goals are and where your purpose lies, recognize what you need to change, and make a plan of action to develop your passion for your purpose.

There are no repercussions, no responsibilities to worry about. Would you spend time looking for pleasure, enlightenment, escape from the life you have? Can you do any of those things now?

Why do we wait for other people to change before we’re willing to take the same step forward? Even if others aren’t willing or able to make the changes we would like to see them make, we can feel good about what we are adding to the world. And maybe, it will rub off on someone.

1. Even if you don’t love yourself right now, remind yourself of better times.
2. What do you, or others, admire about you?
3. Think of a time when you were exceptionally kind to someone.
4. Who are you willing to make sacrifices for and what does that mean about you?

Pain does not have to mean suffering. It’s our interpretation of the situation, and our tendency to dwell and get caught in a negative feedback loop, that creates suffering out of pain. We can’t avoid pain, much as we would like to, but we can minimize our suffering by looking at the situation, accepting it, and letting it go. Easier said than done, of course, but isn’t it a better use of your time to repeat ‘happy thoughts’ then negative ones?