If you are interested in finding out more about our work providing counseling in Cary, be sure to give us a call soon.
New appointment scheduling for all locations: Call to speak with someone at 919-572-0000
If you are interested in finding out more about our work providing counseling in Cary, be sure to give us a call soon.
As we start on another trip around the sun, I invite you to think about how you can be a creator this year. There are two types of creator’s- one type of creating is working with objects to make things (woodworking, crafting, cooking, art, or even creating events and parties). The other type of creators create themselves. I encourage you to create yourself this year. This does not mean starting from scratch and acting in ways that are not authentic. Using whatever existing skills you have, whatever you have learned from your own life experience, use it to express yourself. Get out of your own way and drop the idea of becoming like someone else because you are already a unique piece of art. You just have to know it and realize it.
We have all been told on multiple occasions throughout our lives that exercising is good for us. Aside from it aiding in weight management and increasing our strength, exercising can contribute to increasing happiness. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers, is released in our brain when we exercise. Exercise further contributes to overall happiness, as it energizes us. Though the thought of putting yourself through physical activity sounds strenuous or exhausting, you will feel more energized after your workout than you did before it. Don’t believe it? Test it out for yourself! Other benefits resulting from exercising that contribute to our happiness, include a boost in our confidence as we observe our body transform, decrease in anxiety symptoms, and improved sleep.
Compassion, as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. When we experience compassion, we create activity shifts in our brain that are associated with resiliency and well-being. At the National Institute of Health, Jordan Grafman, conducted a brain-imaging study that demonstrated the pleasure centers in our brain (parts of our brains that are active when we experience pleasure from things such as yummy foods, money, sex) were just as active when observing people giving money to charity as when receiving money for themselves. Happiness stems from compassion because it contributes to broadening our perspective beyond ourselves. When we focus on others and perhaps helping them, our attention shifts from our own issues. This shift in attention can improve our mood and may also lend insight into our own situation. Acts of compassion can be done for those you know, those you do not know, the Earth, or even for yourself!
With a new year comes new resolutions. Reflecting on our difficulties maintaining resolutions is often discouraging; however, we likely set ourselves up for failure before even beginning Often times the resolutions we set are not well defined (e.g., “I will exercise” or “I plan to lose weight”), unrealistic, and/or difficult to maintain. Thankfully, there is a clever acronym to help set us up for success and to guide in the creation of realistic resolutions. The acronym is S.M.A.R.T. and it stands for Specific (simplistically written and clearly defined), Measurable (provides evidence we are meeting or not met our resolution), Achievable (resolution should be slightly challenging, but also bring a sense of confidence it can be achieved), Results-focused (resolution should lead to the desired result), and Time-bound (provides a timeframe that creates a sense of tension between the current reality and the vision of the goal).
To give an example of what this would look like, we will use one of the most common resolutions, exercise. A S.M.A.R.T. resolution might sound something like this, “I will complete 30-minutes of light-moderate exercise three days a week. I will track progress towards this goal through use of a calendar and by the end of the first month I will have created a routine I can maintain. By the end of the sixth months, I will be completing 30-minutes of light-moderate exercise 4 days a week and by the end of the first year, I will maintain 30-minutes of light- moderate exercise 5 days a week.” This example highlights the various parts of the S.M.A.R.T. goal, but we recommend personalizing it for yourself. For example, maybe instead of increasing the number of days you exercise, you could increase the amount of time you exercise on the three days. The key is to make goals that are realistic for you – and do not be afraid to start out with small goals. If you find these goals are too easy and do not provide a sense of challenge, you can always increase the difficulty! Alternatively, if you find your initial goals were a little ambitious, reduce them to a more appropriate level. As a last note, if you have several desired resolutions, we recommend prioritizing only one or two before incorporating the others. In this coming New Year, work S.M.A.R.T., not hard!
Through our lives, we all perform acts of kindness whether consciously or unconsciously. It can be in the form of opening a door for someone while walking out of a grocery store or carving out time to volunteer with a local charity. There are also times where our acts of kindness may not be known by the recipient. For example, having coffee ready for your co-workers because you had to go in early one morning to work on an assignment. They may not be aware of who made the coffee, but for coffee lovers, the smell of the aroma can be enough to put a smile on their face. In that moment, perhaps it may not be important to you to share you made the coffee because the reactions of your co-workers are enough. Research has demonstrated that when individuals engage in different acts of kindness, there is an increase in happiness, as it increases our pro-social tendencies toward others. Challenge yourself to perform acts of kindness regardless of whether they are big or small. As research suggests, the key is engaging in a variety of acts to avoid these acts becoming routine and feeling like a chore. It can also be helpful to write down your acts of kindness and reflect on them periodically.
While the holidays are filled with cheer and joy, stress can also be a part of it. There can be multiple upcoming parties, work events, family gatherings, and costs that need to be prioritized. Sometimes it helps to start thinking about the holidays earlier to ensure the associated stress does not take away from the happiness experienced during the holiday season. Try focusing on what is important to you. Decide whether hosting everyone at your home is important or being together regardless of the location matters most. If attending church on Christmas Eve is something you have missed in the recent years due to other responsibilities (e.g., cooking, wrapping gifts), then perhaps this year you may want to consider asking other family members for help. If you are hosting a party, make a conscious effort to socialize during the evening even if there are other hosting responsibilities that need to be taken care. It is okay to delegate some tasks to other family members. Often, we do not get to spend time with our family and friends because we find ourselves too caught up with hosting duties. It is also helpful to consider the small things. Aside from the hosting, gift giving, festivities, and delicious meals, filling your home with holiday scents and music can also add a special touch improving the mood and overall joy of the holidays.
Q: I never meant to perpetuate the myth of Santa but have found myself going along with it over the past few years as my kids learned about it from other sources. Now my kids, 4 and 6, are full-on Santa believers and I feel guilty that I’ve somehow fed into this lie, plus there’s so much more meaningful stuff to be learned about giving gifts at the holidays. I work with them to think about what to give their sibling and we give to families in need. Eventually they are going to have questions about why we give gifts when Santa takes care of that. How do I turn this around to make holiday gift giving a lesson about love and giving, etc. without them feeling betrayed that their mom was lying to them all this time?
A: Ah, the Santa Myth. When your kid comes home from school raving about Old St. Nick it’s hard to be the one to pop their innocent, sugarplum bubble. So you don’t, and just like that you’re an accomplice. Parents have found themselves supporting the Santa myth at least as far back as the 19 th century when children flocked to see store Santas, when Salvation Army Santas rang their bells on street corners, and
when “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” echoed through the neighborhood every Christmas Eve. So, as with many parenting quandaries, you’re in a big and crowded boat. By the time we’re adults we think of Santa and the accompanying lies with warm nostalgia and it might be hard to remember why we should be thoughtful about how we drop this bomb. Though Santa might seem commonplace or even silly to adults, to a child he is magical and beloved; someone to whom they write letters and for whom they’re on their best behavior; someone whose approval (and reward!) they desperately want. Someone who is very real and on a very tall pedestal. So how to best end this long con without crushing your child’s innocence and trust? There are of course many ways to go about this, but here are three options to appeal to three major camps. Probably any one of these yields better results than being told by an older kid on the playground:
There is value in encouraging selfless giving, and in scientific thinking, and in childhood magic. Mix-and- match if you like; these myth-busters aren’t mutually exclusive. Whichever road you take, consider reminding your child that some of their peers might still be believers and that different families handle this in different ways, so keeping the secret to himself might be thoughtful. Then give him a Christmas cookie – that softens any blow.
Imagine if all the thoughts that go through your mind were made into a movie. What kind of movie would it be? A comedy? A horror film? A plotless story with boring dialogue? Would you be willing to let others watch the movie of your mind? If you don’t like the movie that is going on inside your head and would not want anyone else to watch it, then why are you still replaying the same story? We have the ability to be the producer, director, and writer of our lives and to create a Life Movie that we enjoy and get pleasure out of watching.
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MAIN OFFICES DURHAM
(S. DURHAM/RTP AREA)
5842 Fayetteville Road, Suite #106
Durham, NC 27713
(919) 572-9999
DURHAM OFFICE
(S. DURHAM/RTP AREA)
5826 Fayetteville Road, Suite #202
Durham, NC 27713
(919) 572-9999
CHAPEL HILL CLIENTS
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Near the Southpoint Mall
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THREE CONVENIENT LOCATIONS! SERVING DURHAM – CHAPEL HILL – RALEIGH – CARY
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At Lepage Associates, you will either reach a receptionist or a doctor when you call, or will get a return call soon after you call. While we are usually in the office, we cannot answer the telephone when we are with a client. When we are unavailable, you will get our private voicemail, so please feel free to leave a detailed message. We typically return calls on the same day you leave a message, or at least within 24 hours, sometimes with the exception of weekends and holidays.
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