Archive for: Our Happiness Blog

August 5, 2013

Happiness and The Is

Today, I went for a run and a swim with my husband. As we started out, my legs felt sluggish – they did NOT want to run today! To motivate myself, I decided to make a game out of how much I could observe as I ran.

I noticed some everyday things – like street numbers, cracks in the pavement, a helicopter in the sky. After a few minutes of noticing, I noticed the pain in my legs disappear, noticed that I was enjoying myself. And then I noticed a real gem – palm trees! Here in Durham, North Carolina. Growing all over this neighborhood just 2 miles from my home. I felt like my moments of observation had been rewarded, both with happiness in the moment, and the idea of palm trees in my own front yard someday. 🙂

In the pool, I continued the game. 20 laps, how much could I notice? You would think that there wouldn’t be much to notice in a pool, traversing the same 25 meters up and back. But there was! I noticed how beautiful the bubbles were, when I put my hand down in the water to make the stroke. I noticed how comforting the smooth water felt around my body. It gave me the mind of a child, to suggest a few jumps and flips before we left, which we did. And then, the most rewarding of all – when I got out of the water and toweled myself off, I took a minute to actually look at the pool – the first time this summer that I really *looked* at it – and noticed how happy and comforting it was. Pool noodles, smiling faces. A woman doing laps, kids jumping in and chasing each other, a toddler excited to learn the word “bike”, a lifeguard examining her nails. Everyone being who they were in that blissful moment of summertime. In that moment, I was so content that I actually said out loud to my husband, “I don’t need anything more than what I have right now”.

Noticing “The Is”. Some people call this mindfulness. It turns normal moments into those you remember and cherish. To me, that’s happiness. 🙂

Katie Benedetto Jones

https://Critter.Co

July 29, 2013

Happiness and Gifting

When was the last time you gave someone a gift?  Or did something really helpful for someone?  You felt good doing it, didn’t you?  Whether you’re giving your daughter that scarf you saw her eyeing or if you’re babysitting for your overwhelmed friend while he gets out of the house, giving someone a gift makes us feel happy.  Knowing that we’ve contributed to another person’s life in a positive way is uplifting.  The great thing is, it doesn’t have to do with recognition and getting credit.  When we give a gift anonymously we feel good.  Furthermore, you feel good before you do it (anticipatory excitement) and for a while afterward (satisfaction).  Imagine how those minutes of happiness would add up if you gave a gift – doesn’t have to be huge – every day!

July 22, 2013

Happiness and Attitude

I finally found this piece of prose I’ve been trying to find for over ten years.  The last few lines are what are most important to me, so here they are:

“The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is plan on the one thing we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.”

I don’t know who wrote that, but they sure were on to something.

July 15, 2013

Happiness: Kicking Hedonic Adaptation to the Curb

Hedonic adaptation – our ability to get used to circumstances, good or bad, and return to our previous level of happiness – is great when you get dumped, but what about when you win a car?  Get a free ride through college?  Do we have to accept that after a few months we won’t care about it anymore?  I don’t think so.  I think we can use gratitude to make a wonderful circumstance “stick.”  Reminding yourself every once in a while of this windfall or reward, and maybe the specifics of how it’s added to your life, can keep you feeling good about it for much longer.  You probably already do this sometimes.  Have you ever had a beloved pair of jeans or a favorite book?  Every time you slip into those pants or crack open that book you feel a little… something.  Notice it.  Whether it’s a tiny bit of excitement, relief, or just a warm positive feeling, notice it and appreciate this gift.  Because it’s the constant accumulation of tiny bits of positive feelings that increases our happiness level.

July 8, 2013

Happiness: Hedonic Adaptation

A few years ago I had to replace my old junker car and I somehow let my husband talk me into getting a car with leather seats and power windows.  In order to justify this luxury to myself I swore I would be grateful for it every time I drove it.  Within the year I’d apparently forgotten my promise and was noticing how hot the leather got in the summer and how cold it was in the winter.  Darn hedonic adaptation!  That’s our ability to get used to a change in circumstances and return to our set point of happiness.  Studies suggest that except for a few specific events, a change in circumstances tends to affect our happiness only temporarily.  The good news is it works in the other direction, too.  I thought I’d never be happy again if my back pain didn’t go away.  Yet here I am six years later with the same pain and back to my typical level of happiness.  Thank goodness for hedonic adaptation!

July 1, 2013

Happiness: The Crucial 40%

For a long time, researchers thought that people’s happiness level was predetermined.  That no matter what happened to you, or what you did differently, you could never become significantly and permanently more happy.  It flies in the face of what most of us have thought from time to time: “If I just lost weight… made more money… were dating someone… I’d be happy.”  Even though I know this line of thinking is artificial, the thought of a predetermined happiness level is kind of depressing so I started reading The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky.  Right off the bat she starts with some empowering information: genetics is responsible for 50% of the difference in people’s happiness levels, life circumstances account for a mere 10%, and the other 40% of the difference stems from how we think and what we do.  Though there is some disagreement about this research, most experts agree on this: we can greatly affect our mood and our level of happiness by thinking and behaving with a focus on happiness.  It’s just a matter of figuring out how to do that.  Stay tuned!

June 24, 2013

“I would be so happy if I won the lottery!”  How many of us have said that?  You could buy anything you wanted, you wouldn’t have the stress of that mortgage or car payment anymore. .. and yet, studies show that winning the lottery typically doesn’t make you happy.  It can actually make you less happy in the long run for two reasons: contrast and habituation.  Contrast means that compared to the experience of winning the lottery, other “regular” pleasures we experience on a daily basis are less enjoyable.  Habituation means that the stuff you buy with your winnings ceases to be so exciting because you get used to it after a while.  Then what happens if (when) you plow through your winnings and have car payments and a mortgage again?  You might get used to it in time… or, as one study suggests, you might idealize your past and forever feel bad about these payments because you remember fondly when you didn’t used to have them.   What is something you could put that weekly lottery ticket money towards that might make you truly happy?

June 17, 2013

Happiness studies have shown that you can increase your overall level of happiness by feeling more grateful.  It turns out there are ways to practice gratitude that are more effective than others.  Experts suggest that you keep a journal or some other concrete record of your gratefulness.  Here’s what they recommend:

1. Make a conscious decision that you want to be happier.
2. Write in your gratitude journal once or twice a week – more than that and you run the risk of becoming used to having positive events occur.
3. Pick 2-3 items to write about.  Take the time to explore all the ways in which you are so grateful for them.  Really delve into it.  Perhaps consider what it adds to your life, how those benefits go beyond you, how it positively affects you and others in the short and long run, etc.
4. Imagining your life without a certain person/thing/event can help you notice what it brings to your life.
5. Focusing on people and unexpected surprises can be more meaningful than focusing on items.
6. No repeats!  This forces you to be specific – instead of being thankful for your friend, you might focus on how thankful you are for the moment of laughter you shared that day, or the email they sent reaching out to you in a time of stress.  You’ll be amazed at how much gratitude you have for seemingly small things, without having realized it!

June 4, 2013

At a previous job I had to downgrade to a smaller office when we moved. I was disappointed and annoyed, thinking it was unfair. It wasn’t a battle I wanted to pick, so I decided to embrace it. My new office had large windows with a great woodsy view. As I moved my stuff in, I made it a point to notice the window with the view, and actively appreciate the beauty. By the last box I was grateful to have been given this particular office, which I now viewed as cozy and nature-filled and ideal for me. Every morning when I walked into that office for the next five years, I felt happy being able to start my day with that view. During my work day I would notice it, and learned that a particular skink enjoyed sunning himself on the brick on warm days. Since I was now in the habit checking out my window occasionally, I saw deer meander through, chipmunks nibbling in the pine needles, and once saw a fox dart by. Squirrels and birds would tap and peck on the glass (just in case I was forgetting to appreciate it in that moment). If I hadn’t decided on actively appreciating my office on day one, I might have nurtured a sense of bitter entitlement rather than appreciation and happiness.