SEPARATION & DIVORCE ARTICLES
Talking Your Kids Through Your Divorce – Part Three (Ages 13 – 18)
Adolescents in the 13 to 18-year-old range are exploring their identity and navigating increased independence. These years are a time when teens experiment with new roles and responsibilities and tend to place increasing value on peer relationships. This presents a challenge for many parents, as they must balance boundaries and rules with their teens’ greater autonomy. So, when thinking about how to tell your teen about your separation and divorce, it is important to keep in mind that although separation/divorce can be a time of great upheaval for all involved, your teens can navigate new life and family roles and structures with your guidance and support.
Talking Your Kids Through Your Divorce – Part Two (Ages 6 – 12) Children in the 6–12-year-old age range most need to feel competent. The main question kids at this age have is, “How can I be perceived of as good and avoid being seen as bad?” So, when thinking about how to tell your school aged child about your separation or divorce it is important to keep in mind that although separation/divorce can be a time of great upheaval for all involved, your children can make the transition to the new normal with your love and guidance. What they need from you most is reassurance. Here are some ways you can address some of their fears:
Talking Your Kids Through Your Divorce – Part One (Birth through five years old) The unthinkable happened, you and your partner made the painstaking decision to separate. But what now? How do you tell the children?
B.I.F.F. – How To Respond To Antagonistic & Hostile Communication Hostile comments can show up anywhere, including in emails, letters, on Facebook, comments to internet articles, and in-person. This can occur under any circumstances including but not limited to personal relationships, at work, with co-workers, with neighbors, with family members, with customer service personnel or even strangers. They often occur between exes in high conflict divorce.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part VII: The Role of Thoughts in Managing Anger In the last article we explored that emotions come from thoughts, so if we want to change how we’re feeling we need to be very aware of what we’re thinking… and then be willing to challenge it.
Cooperative Parenting Part VI: Expressing Your Anger In the last article we explored why and how to increase our awareness of our anger, calm down when we notice it, and choose to be assertive. In this article we’ll explore how to assertively express anger and how and why to dig deeper and express what’s behind it.
Tiger & Elin Woods Modeled Amicable Divorce Fox News ran a story when Tiger Woods divorced describing the collaborative divorce process used by Tiger and Elin Woods. The interviewer wondered skeptically how spouses experiencing the level of anger and emotional pain that often comes with divorce can have a ‘collaborative’ divorce, especially with difficult issues such as infidelity.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part V: Managing Your Anger This fifth article on Cooperative Parenting explores anger as one of the biggest obstacles to developing a business partnership with a parenting partner and the four red flags that tell us when we are creeping up the anger scale.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part IV: Creating a Business Relationship This fourth article on Cooperative Parenting explores having a functioning relationship with the other parent, ideally a friendly functioning relationship. However, divorce doesn’t always happen that way so the next best thing is to have a healthy and effective business relationship.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part III: Embracing a New Life This third article on Cooperative Parenting explores why it’s important to let go of the past and how doing so will help you embrace your new life, especially your new parenting role.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part II: Avoiding a Loyalty Bind This second article on Cooperative Parenting explores how to avoid putting your child in a loyalty bind. Learn the definition of a loyalty bind, how to prevent their creation and the effects on children of parents who are divorced.
Benefits and Concerns of Using a Parent Coordinator (PC) in High-Conflict Divorce
In high-conflict divorce it can be difficult for parents to make joint decisions regarding their children. When parents seem more invested in winning the conflict than in finding resolution for the sake of the child, it’s time to consider a Parenting Coordinator (PC). This article discusses the role of the PC and the significant benefits gained when one is utilized.
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Part I: Why and How to Keep the Child in Focus Cooperative parenting during and after divorce can be challenging. If you’ve decided that divorce is the best route for you, knowing some basic concepts about children and divorce can help you navigate this time in your life during which you might feel like you have to figure out how to do everything differently.
The Role of the Mental Health Professional in Collaborative Divorce: New and Innovative or Just New Packaging? Written by Dr. Tina Lepage as a guest author for the North Carolina Bar Association Dispute Resolution Section’s newsletter, The Peacemaker.
Common Questions Children Ask About Divorce
Lepage Associates doctors discuss common questions children ask when parents are getting divorced, or when they are dealing with changes related to the divorce, and ways parents can respond.
Marital Counseling Makes Cents…
Written by Tre’ Morgan, family law attorney. Many individuals who struggle in their marriages and consider separation or divorce often don’t look to marital counseling as an option because they view it as being too expensive. Attorney Tre’ Morgan outlines both the cost of marital counseling and the cost divorce, and discusses the benefits of marital counseling as an investment that should be considered before incurring the costs of a divorce.
The Role of Our Psychologists in Separation & Divorce: Ways We Can Help
Written by Tina Lepage, Psy.D. The issues in separation and divorce are complex, and men and women separating and divorcing have been seeking the help of psychologists for some time. Dr. Lepage outlines the variety of ways in which psychologists that specialize in relationships, families and children can help to make this process less stressful for everyone involved.
The Unique Benefits of the Child Specialist in Separation & Divorce
Written by Tina Lepage, Psy.D. The issues in divorce can be many for people with children. The role of the child specialist is to help the parents with the vast array of child-centered issues, and to help the children to be heard in a healthy way. Dr. Lepage outlines the variety of ways in which child psychologists that specialize in divorce and children can help to make this process less stressful for everyone involved.
The Collaborative Divorce Model: Lessening Conflict & Changing the Adversarial Face of Divorce
Written by Tina Lepage, Psy.D. This article describes the collaborative divorce model as an alternative to the more adversarial traditional approach to divorce. You can also find additional information on our website on our Collaborative Divorce page.
Tiered Approach to Parenting Plan Consults and Custody Evaluations
Written by Tina Lepage, Psy.D. Dr. Lepage completed both her clinical master’s thesis and doctoral dissertation in the area of developing parenting plans, determining the highest quality protocol for assessing child and family needs and then addressing those needs in potential parenting arrangements. At Lepage Associates she went on to develop a unique, tiered approach to parenting plan consults and to custody evaluations which meets the information and cost needs of every family. This brief, one-page article outlines what is included in each tier, and also includes the costs.
The ABCs and 1,2,3s of Helping Children Through the Divorce Process
Written by Tina Lepage, Psy.D. Dr. Lepage has extensive experience working with individuals, couples, parents, and children going through divorce. In this article she addresses the practical concerns of telling the children of the decision to divorce, transitioning a family into two households, and co-parenting effectively through developing a positive shared parenting relationship.
Dealing with Divorce: 10 Tips To Protect Your Kids
Written by Lepage Associates’ staff psychologist, based on doctoral dissertation on the effects of marital conflict and divorce on children and adolescents. Specifically, researcher determined the protective factors within the family and within the parent-child relationship that serve to reduce the stressfulness of marital conflict and divorce.